do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
