She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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