Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
