Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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