i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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