When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
