My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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