So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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