Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
