I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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