I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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