Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bet he comes in French.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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