my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
