i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
