I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
