The maid of honor just puked.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
