Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
