1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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