It's Friday. Sex?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
