you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Farmville is her only friend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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