I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
