just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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