What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
