They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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