you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
