yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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