I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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