and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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