yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
