I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
