You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
