my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
is it fun? or sober?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
