Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
