dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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