You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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