Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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