so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
