im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
