I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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