im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're like the curious george of whores
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
