I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
