If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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