No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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