my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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