I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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