he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
