I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
