omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
