I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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