All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
