Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
