How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
