It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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