remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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