Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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