he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
