I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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