About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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