I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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