Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
