thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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