Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
