We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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