you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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