just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
