He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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