What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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