and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
