Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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