Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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